Mulligan

So, the bailout isn't working. First, there's the whole, "Well, we're not really going to buy the troubled assets with that $700B." Then, not only do the fatcats who made the bad decisions in the first place get to keep their money, and our money, now they're getting a further $2T in loans, and not disclosing where the money is going!

Shock among shocks, though, other failing businesses, seeing that they can keep their shoddy business practices and still rake in billions of dollars, such as the auto industry, are now trying to get their hands on cash.

So, if the government is going to be in the business of deciding which businesses stay or go, it is time for the government to become a business. First of all, it will give them an idea of how to run a business. Secondly, it's hardly fair that they have the right to confiscate cash at gunpoint from the citizenry, and give it to their friends. So, I call a Mulligan on Article I, and have an idea of how we can still save America. Hear me out.

Step one is that the government is to be run like a for-profit business. Every American is granted one share in the corporation, and the goal is to make sure that the shareholders get the best possible dividends. The shares can be bought, sold, and traded on the Nasdaq, but, and this is important, you get an equal number of votes to the number of shares you have. If you have no shares of AmeriStock, you have no vote. People with nothing to lose have absolutely no problem voting to make other people lose. While that would make the price of the stock go extremely high, most people would feel that their vote is worth more than the money being offered for it. This would be a good thing.

Now, it's not fair to have a corporation that can come in and take your cash from you by force. That's not exactly a level playing field. Therefore, we repeal the ability of Congress to pass any taxes at all, whatsoever, on anything. The government has to EARN its money, the same way everyone else does. Now, since it DOES have responsibilities to the people, we're going to give them some leeway. All existing roads, police departments, fire departments, government buildings, etc., will be wholly owned subcorporations of the government. I can already hear you asking, "Well, how will they raise money?" Good question.

• Toll roads. They'll simply set up toll booths on every highway, and at every entrance/exit to different subdivisions, and so forth. That will pay for the roads and construction. CAVEAT: Private companies will be able to build toll roads, too. When faced with competition, the government may rethink its stance on unions, and bloated bureaucracies. People will take the cheaper private roads at first. The government, needing cash, will reduce prices to get business, and reduce costs to keep the prices low. This helps everyone win.
• Fire departments: (Not to toot my own horn, but this is genius.) All the fire departments will be rounded up under a single Fire Department corporation, which will allocate its funds in the same way a business puts capital where it's needed. The funding will come from charging a premium to the insurance companies. After all, a fire department that limits the amount of damage done to a home, and keeps the fire from spreading, saves the insurance company tons of money in payouts. It's insurance for the insurance companies. True, to pay this, they'll raise premiums a bit, but, remember, you're not paying taxes anymore.
• Police departments: They'll ALSO charge premiums to insurance companies. (After all, you have to have separate fire and flood policies, why not have a separate crime policy.) Furthermore, they can raise money by busting drug dealers, money launderers, etc., and keeping their cash. WIN!
• The IRS. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. They're gone. Personally, I'd like to see a law passed that, after the IRS is disbanded, any former employee of the IRS is not to be hired, and that it's legal to horsewhip and rape them in public. After all, that's what they've done to us since the 16th Amendment was passed. Fuckers.

Anyway, you get the point. They'll have the means to obtain cash. They'll have competition to keep them lean. People will pay for what they use, and not pay for what they don't use. Then, at the end of the fiscal year, whatever is left over can be distributed among the shareholders. Score!

The lawmakers would be bending over backwards to make sure that the legal climate was friendly to growing businesses. Employment would skyrocket. (After all, people on welfare would suddenly find themselves pretty damned hungry, and businesses would no longer have to worry about punitive, confiscatory tax levels keeping them from hiring new people.) Investment capital would flow into the US from around the globe, as people took advantage of the tax situation. (Look at Ireland, for an example of what can happen by dropping the corporate income tax.) Bailouts of bad business practices would be a thing of the past. (You fuck up the mortgage market, you fail. People who still have money move into that space.) Unions would be gone - no more $108K / year in total compensation for a forklift operator.

It's time to take back America. Let's start with this plan.