Good Riddance, President Bush

Good riddance, President Bush!

You got us involved in a war that has lasted for years, and cost us billions of dollars predicated on a lie.

Oh, wait. Congress, including the full Senate Intelligence Committee, who had full access to information which is still classified on which they made their decision. And the intelligence services of 16 other countries backed that intel, and committed their own troops and resources to the fight.

Fine. In hindsight, maybe you acted rationally on that one, based on the information you had at the time. But the information was still a lie! There were no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq.

Well, I mean other than the loads of weaponized anthrax, sarin, ricin, mustard gas, and the artillery shells with which to deliver them, as well as enough semtex, C4, TNT, gunpowder, ANFO, and detonators so that, were they smuggled into the US and Europe and detonated, the population centers of western culture would be uninhabitable for 10,000 years. But Saddam would never have used WMD against civilians?

Yeah, I mean other than the Kurds. Who cares if he gassed them, they're only brown people. But you didn't find any NUKES! And you didn't find any terrorists! And you didn't find any link to Al Qaeda!

Well, I mean, other than the receipt books of payments to families of suicide bombers, dozens of terrorist training camps, and Al Quaeda in Iraq. Ok. Fine. But you did it without the approval of the UN! That proves you're a rogue terrorist who is just as bad as the dictators you overthrew! France and Russia, who have UN Security Council veto power said you weren't allowed to invade, you, you, COWBOY.

Well, yeah, I guess they didn't want us to find the weapons caches and nuclear fuel and refinement equipment that were sold to Iraq by Russia and France, but they still said you couldn't go, so you're a unilateral cowboy, and I hate you for it. You should have puleld out of Iraq when Harry Reid declared on the floor of the Senate that we had lost the war! You should have realized we were beaten at that point.

Ok, yes, fine, we won the war, and now we're looking at handing over to the Iraqis a stable and benevolent government where hundreds of thousands of their citizens aren't hauled off in the night and raped and tortured and butchered for the amusement of the sadists in the Ba'athist regime, but it wasn't our place to save those people! After all, they're brown! What's a million dead brown people to one dead American?

That doesn't even begin to get into what a mess you've made of the domestic situation. Look at the housing market! The prices have collapsed.

Well, you know, went back down to where they'd have been had they been following a normal inflationary curve, at least. Which still cost me money, Mr. Monkey-man. Yeah, sure, we all know it was because Clinton and Greenspan used the Fed to pressure Fannie and Freddy to back shaky mortgage loans so there'd be higher minority homeownership, so happy minorities would feel forever indentured to the Democrats and vote for them in perpetuity, but it was you and your big business cronies who caused my house prices to fall!

What do you mean, big businesses lost a hell of a lot more money than I did? Drop in the bucket for them! Wait. You say they went bankrupt? Thousands of people are out of work because the securities on which they predicated the loans were artifically inflated, and then when people started asking about the real value of the securities, the market fell apart on them? And this was all due to Chris Dodd and Barney Frank thwarting your administrations every attempt to gain more transparency into those organizations, and they flatly refused to open their books to the Fed or Congress to examine? Hmmm. Uh. Well, uh....global warming! You backed out of the Kyoto protocols! Greenhouse gasses are heating up the planet.

Yeah, I know that it's been getting progressively colder since 1998. That's just global warming. Those record cold winters are the result of warming. And yes, I'm aware that Jupiter recorded the exact same percentage increase and decrease in temperature over the last solar cycle as Earth did, but what do you expect. Jupiter is MADE of carbon - it's a greenhouse 343,000 times the mass of Earth, so it SHOULD warm up even more! It's probably the hottest place in the solar system! Mars is 95% carbon dioxide in its atmosphere, too, so it's gotta be hot as well! I don't care what the science says, the scientists who get paid huge grants to tell Democratic lawmakers what they want to hear say that it's warming, and so it's warming, Mr. McBushitlerburton. So don't you come at me with your "warming trend ended in 1998" and your "in the 70's, they thought we were heading into an ice age" propaganda! And speaking of propaganda, you forced the PATRIOT act on us, you bastard!

Well, ok, granted, Congress wrote and passed the law, but it was all your doing. Somehow. You and your warrantless wiretaps on American citizens. Sure, it's only on calls that cross overseas to suspected terrorists, but, c'mon, man, I know you were listening in on my hash brokerage deals, 'cuz you're a facist! And, yeah, I guess the Supreme Court upheld the rulings about FISA warrants, but you still SPIED ON INNOCENT AMERICANS! And that's wrong, Mr. Shrub. Well, yes, I know that we only had one terrorist attack on American soil during your watch, compared with 2 major bombings in the US and 2 American embassies destroyed under your predecessor, but, dammit, when Bill was in charge, the world loved us! And because you're a cowboy, the world hates you! They hate you because your war for cheap oil pushed the gas prices up over $4 per gallon!

Granted, yes, YOU didn't personally set the price, but it was your friends in the oil industry. And, yes, ok, the price they set was based off of the price they had to pay to get the oil, refine it, and deliver it to the station. And, yeah, I'll even give you that there was nothing that the administration or Congress could have done to change that, since those are private enterprises which are free to set their own prices, but, dammit, Curious George, you should have done SOMETHING! You should have made those thieving oil companies sell at a loss! Who cares how many people would have lost their jobs to pay for it, as long as my SUV could get me to Starbucks for under $2 / gallon! And what's with all this unemployment you caused?

Well, again, I know, it's because the market collapsed for mortgage backed securities, mixed with the high oil prices which we already covered. But George, you should have personally hired every fired person to come clear brush in Crawford for you. Well, yeah, I know there's not that much brush, and I know that many people wouldn't fit on the farm, but you should have done SOMETHING!

I mean other than work with Congress to reduce the capital gains taxes so that people would invest in growing businesses, and handing out those $1,200 economic stimulus checks which helped keep the economy afloat for a few months.

I guess the real reason I hate you, President Bush, is that President Clinton told me that I could blindly wander through the world, endlessly consuming and never paying, pointlessly pontificating and never thinking, and nothing bad would happen because of it, and then you had to go and ruin it all by demonstrating that it really does take 30 people with their feet on the ground to support one person with his head in the clouds. You had to go and wake us up to the fact that just because we tell the bad people we like them won't make them like us. You had to go and show us that there are consequences for our actions, and we despise you for it. Fortunately, the news media, Hollywood, MTV, the Daily Show, and the musicians were all there to tell me exactly what to think, so I wouldn't have to. Now that Obama's in office, we can go back to our comfortable blinders, and try to shut out reality.


Good Riddance, Mr. Bush. This personal responsibility thing was too hard for us.